#hum

I'm thinking there should be a dating site called "Tap That" - Jonathan "Jack" McVoy ↗

— E.J. Eisman

#humor #dating

Dating is like pushing your tray along in a cafeteria. Nothing looks good, but you know you have to pick something by the time you reach the cashier. ↗

— Caprice Crane

#humor #dating

Dating should really be more like furniture store commercials....I would love to' pay no interest for 6 months ↗

— Josh Stern

#commercials-furniture #dating #store-humor #dating

I'm a door-to-door telemarketer. I knock on phone booths and trade numbers, then verify a customer's credit card when she calls for a date. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #sales #telemarketing #dating

As for Chicks with Daddy Issues: Do I really want to be with a Woman who wants to be my Father? ↗

— Josh Stern

#daddy-issues #date #humor #dating

I'm a barrelful of hate! Come open me up! ↗

— Tony Millionaire

#humor

At best he read popular science magazines like the Scientific American he had now, to keep himself up-to-date, in layman's terms, with physics generally. But even then his concentration was marred, for a lifetime's habit made him inconveniently watchful for his own name. He saw it as if in bold. It could leap out at him from an unread double page of small print, and sometimes he could sense it coming before the page turn. ↗

— Ian Mcewan

#humor #ian-mcewan #physics #science #dating

Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil... prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon... ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#death

Everybody going to be dead one day, just give them time. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#humor #mortality #patience #death

My dad used to say that life's a journey, but somebody screwed up and lost the map. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#death