#hum

If I had a funny thought and a runny nose, but only had one napkin and no paper, I’d rather use that napkin to write on than blow my nose. After all, that’s what sleeves are for.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #odd #strange

If you were to talk about your nose, I’d take everything you’d say at face value. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #funny

One brick is not a wall. Unless you’re an ant, and then it’s not only a wall, it’s a building—a building that has no doors, windows, or people in the form of managers that I’d like to smash in the face with a building (or a brick).
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A blanket could be used to suppress yawns. Just curl up in the technological wonder that is a blanket, lay your head back, and let the miracle of science cure your yawns.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

One blanket, coupled with a fluffy pillow, could be implemented as a torture device for insomniacs.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Ish #109 "If MapQuest says make a right, go straight. You'll get there quicker. ↗

— Regina Griffin

#funny-quotes #humor #humorous #tags-funny-and-random #funny

A brick is what I’m voting for for President. And guess what? If you’re voting for a Republican or Democrat, so are you.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Excuse me,” she said, her voice tight. “But if I’d known there was going to be a firearms examination at the end of the kidnapping, by God, I would have studied for it! ↗

— Tara Janzen

#humour #romance #romantic-suspense #funny

Every year, many, many stupid people graduate from college. And if they can do it, so can you. ↗

— John Green

#humor #humor

Women don't want all that. Women just want a partner who is considerate and attentive, who will spoon with them while reciting Keats, and feed them organic yogurt by candlelight on a seaside cliff at sunset. ↗

— Stephen Colbert

#humor