#hum

Vishous: "...we both would slaughter anything that so much as startled you." Jane: "I'm scared of mice and spiders. But you don't need to use that gun on your hip to blow a hole in a wall if I ran into one, okay? Havaheart traps and rolled newspapers work just as well. Plus, you don't need a Sheetrock patch and plaster job afterward. I'm just saying. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#humor

There's a club, if you'd like to go You could meet somebody who really loves you.' So you go, and you stand on your own And you leave on your own And you go home, and you cry And you want to die. ↗

— Morrissey

#lyrics #music #humor

Gruff,” I said, “I find myself largely clueless about why mortal women do what they do. It will take a wiser man than me to understand what’s in a fae woman’s mind. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #women #humor

I find it rude to laugh at a man with a sword. ↗

— Derek Landy

#combat #duel #dueling #humor #humorous

He was a gentle and sensitive soul, and therefore had a short temper, which is why he went straight after everything with an ax... ↗

— Bohumil Hrabal

#humor #love #lovers #sensitive #soul

Good day, Mr. Rayburn, as my dear sainted grandmother would say, 'Tu sei un pezzo di merda. Fongule e tuo capra!' Lina stood, smoothed her skirt and snapped shut her leather briefcase. 'Oh how rude of me. You don't speak Italian. Allow me to translate my grandmother's sage words: 'you are a piece of shit. Fuck you and your goat' Arrivederci ↗

— P.C.Cast

#humor

You could say I'm on the troubleshooting squad." "Troubleshooting?" He put a hand on the back of his waistband. "I see trouble and I shoot it. ↗

— Karen Chance

#humor

It is not the destination where you end up but the mishaps and memories you create along the way! ↗

— Penelope Riley

#mishaps #travel #humor

The source of all humor is not laughter, but sorrow. ↗

— Mark Twain

#mark-twain #sorrow #humor

It was like he was in a contest to see who could do the least work, only he was the only contestant. ↗