#hum

Women are sneaky. ↗

— Patricia Briggs

#women #humor

It was like there was an elephant in the room. An elephant that expected us to have sex. ↗

— Morgan Matson

#humor

It doesn’t matter what temperature a room is, it’s always room temperature. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

Butch tightened his grip on his cell and wished there were an app that let you reach through a phone and bitch slap someone. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#butch #humor #j-r-ward #humor

I have a black sense of humor. You try living my life, see what color yours turns. ↗

— Karen Marie Moning

#karen-marie-moning #humor

Tyson- "Cash? Like...green paper?" Percy- "Yeah." Tyson- "Like the kind in duffel bags?" Percy-"Yeah, but we lost those bags days a-g-g--." "Tyson! How did you--" Tyson- "Thought it was a feed bag for Rainbow. Found it floating in sea, but only paper inside. Sorry. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor

That woman doesn't have the sense God gave a retarded flea. ↗

— Nora Roberts

#life #wisdom #humor

All right," Clara said. "We have our swordsman, so let's get moving. Brigan, could you attempt, at least, to make yourself presentable? I know this is a war, but the rest of us are trying to pretend it's a party. ↗

— Kristin Cashore

#humor

Westley: This is true love — you think this happens every day? ↗

— William Goldman

#love #humor

I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#humor