#hum

I was wasting my time, praying for love. For a love that never comes, from someone who does not exist. ↗

— Morrissey

#life #love #lyrics #music #humor

I miss my suits... ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#humor

I hate when I'm at the grocery store and the person checking me out asks, "Paper or plastic?" It's offensive. As if I'm going to sleep with her just because she has a clever pick up line. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #grocery-store #humor #paper-or-plastic #funny

You messed with the wrong white girl, motherfucker!” Tyler shouted. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#tyler #humor

Without missing a beat he said, “This year, Santa, I’d like a pony and an Easy-Bake Oven.” Raja grunted and pushed him off to the side. “You’ll be getting coal in a place where it hurts if you ever attempt to sit in my lap again. ↗

— Karsten Knight

#raja #rolfe #humor

I remembered my little brother, Allyn, had appeared so innocent and angelic when he slept--similar to Kerrick. It must be a survival tactic. If Allyn hadn't looked so sweet, we would have killed him while he slept. He had been pure evil when he was awake--similar to Kerrick. ↗

— Maria V. Snyder

#appearances #brothers #humor #innocence #sleep

If it turned out Brandon Stark also likes to dress up as Strwberry Shortcake while playing croquet with his miniture pony collection, I totally wouldn't be surprised anymore. ↗

— Meg Cabot

#meg-cabot #strawberry-shortcake #humor

normal person's weekly chore list: 1. clean kitchen. 2. clean bathroom. 3. clean entire rest of domicile. cleaning impaired person's weekly chore list: 1. don't get peanut butter on sheets. ↗

— Dave Barry

#cleaning #humor #slobs #humor

You make all the fashion statements just by dressing up your mind. ↗

— Jason Mraz

#humor #intellectual #humor

And of course, when you see your brother in the toilet bowl...there's a little voice that say, 'I wonder where he would go...'...if it hadn't been for his head... ↗

— Bill Cosby

#humor #thinking #toilet #humor