#hum

You think he’s still alive?” Royce asked, nodding his head toward Alric. “Sure,” Hadrian replied without bothering to look. “He’s probably sleeping. Why do you ask?” “I was just pondering something. Do you think a person could smother in a wet potato bag?” Hadrian lifted his head and looked over at the motionless prince. “I really hadn’t thought about it until now. ↗

— Michael J. Sullivan

#humor

From now on when people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I planned to say, Amnesiac. ↗

— Sue Monk Kidd

#life #memories #humor

Ease off the martyr throttle. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor

بعضهم يقول إن الحياة قصيرة، وأنك قد تموت في حادث سيارة في أي لحظة، فعليك أن تعيش كل يوم كأنه آخر أيامك. هذا هراء. الحيـاة طويلة. ومن المحتمل جداً أنك لا تموت في حادث سيارة، وعندها عليك أن تعيش مع نتائج خياراتك لمدة خمسين عاماً ↗

— Chris Rock

#humor #humor

Lissianna said, smacking Thomas in the arm. “What were you thinking? They don’t waltz here.” “I was thinking I didn’t want my uncle clasping my butt, and our chests rubbing together as he stepped on my feet while trying to shuffle me around the floor,” Thomas answered dryly. ↗

— Lynsay Sands

#lissianna #lucian #night-club #thomas #humor

No one is going to abduct me, Rae." "That's what all abductees say. ↗

— Lisa Lutz

#humor

If the cake fits, eat it! ↗

— Gordon Korman

#humor

Laufen? Auch kein Erfolg. Die Waldnymphen, die mich unterrichten sollten, sausten mir sofort davon. Sie meinten, ich solle mir darüber nicht den Kopf zerbrechen. Sie hätten Jahrhunderte Übung darin, vor liebeskranken Göttern wegzurennen. Aber trotzdem fand ich es ein wenig demütigend, langsamer zu sein als ein Baum. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor

I heard one presidential candidate say that what this country needed was a president for the nineties. I was set to run again. I thought he said a president IN his nineties. ↗

— Ronald Reagan

#nineties #president #humor

If idiots could fly, the sky would be like an airport. ↗

— Laura Davenport

#idiots #sky #humor