#hum

Mustaches are so cool that I not only have one—I have two. I wear both of mine above my eyes.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#eyes #funny #humor #mustache #mustaches

I used to have Santa and the whole coal thing, but between Wade and their father, the little shits get whatever they want. They no longer feel like they need the fat bastard! ↗

— Ethan Day

#humor #funny

A brick could be used like a used car salesman uses people. I know, because I used to sell cars. Well, technically I got fired precisely because I didn’t sell any cars.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

If she kept wondering about how much of her life Bran engineered, she’d end up on a funny farm knitting caps for ducks. ↗

— Patricia Briggs

#anna-cornick #bran-cornick #fair-game #humor #marrok

Boys,” Lindsay agreed, nodding. “What doesn't get lost in translation?” “Things with the letter X in front of them,” Rachel posited. “Like X-Box. And X-rated movies. ↗

— Nenia Campbell

#funny #humor #sex #sexual #funny

I want to live in a mansion, wear nice suits, and get paid to have my boss grovel at my feet. I want to be the butler to a sycophant. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #sycophancy #funny

Luis is right there.” I point to the corner of the yard, where my little brother is the centre of attention doing imitations of barnyard animals. I have yet to inform him that talent isn’t as much of a chick magnet when you get into junior high. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#humour #romance #young-adult-fiction #young-adult-romance #funny

A brick is a biographical film in which a young orphan brick from the wrong side of the track grows up to be one of the most important bricks in all brick kind, as it is now quite literally the cornerstone of one of America’s greatest ballparks.(Fenway) ↗

— Nicole McKay

#baseball #brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses

A brick pressed over each ear may protect from loud noises like a jackhammer. For softer noises that are annoying, like snoring, I’d recommend covering your ears with a blanket. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

I directed my first film. It’s about the economy and it’s called “Bend Over.” It’s an hour and a half of a single continuous shot of an ass, naked and bent over. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#economy #funny #humor #funny