#hum

I really loathe [the bumper sticker] 'Proud Parent of a Terrific Kid!' Why not a bumper sticker for the unlucky parents, something like: 'My Fifteen-Year-Old's in Detox and Not Speaking to Any of Us' or 'My Kid Robbed a 7-Eleven and is in a Center for Youthful Offenders. ↗

— Celia Rivenbark

#humor #humor

Ash paused as he entered the house to find the three women lined up and... singing to... dear gods, anything but this. "Fergilicious." All he needed was for Simi to be here and off-key with them since it was her favorite song and he'd spent the better part of the last year cursing whoever was dumb enough to introduce that song to a hormonal teenaged demon. Worst part? Simi wanted him to call her Similicious. ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#humor #simi #humor

Everyone knows revenge is a dish best served when you've had enough time to build up enough vitriol and fury. ↗

— Sophie Kinsella

#humor

[I]t is well to have as many holds upon happiness as possible. ↗

— Jane Austen

#jane-austen-literature-humor #humor

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be. ↗

— Rita Rudner

#money #humor

Is there anything more pathetic than a flower that doesn’t get enough sunlight and dies, because it couldn’t get out of bed until four in the afternoon? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #pathetic #sunlight #funny

However, because they have no actual interests of their own (or if they do, they squelch them in order to fit in) and merely pursue those that they think will look best on their college apps, they're zombies. ↗

— Meg Cabot

#humor #indiviualism #humor

Smiling always seems to annoy people more than actually insulting them. Or maybe I just have an annoying smile. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humorous #insulting #smiling #humor

I like girls who eat Carrots. ~ Louis Tomlinson ↗

— One Direction

#cute #humor #louis-tomlinson #humor

When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you. ↗

— Nora Ephron

#humor