#hum

They think that they’re smart and that the rest of us are dumb. ↗

— Joseph Heller

#humor

And LO and BEHOLD, I was on BOTH the six AND eleven o’clock newscasts! AND all the commercials, as well! (‘Day of the drag queen at one area high school, controversy at six!’) And it must have been a slow night because I was the SECOND PIECE of the night! The granny suicide bomber got the lead. BITCH! But I managed to beat out the president’s pulled groin and day six of the Jessica Simpson chapped-lip crisis! ↗

— James St. James

#humor

...we sang in church "Tata Nzolo"! Which means Father in Heaven or Father of Fish Bait depending on just how you sing it, and that pretty well summed up my quandry. ↗

— Barbara Kingsolver

#humor

Free enterprise runs on self interest. This is socialism and it runs on loyalty . . . if people were going to live by comparison shopping, the town would go bust . . . If you live there you have to take it as a whole. That's loyalty. ↗

— Garrison Keillor

#humor

We have rules One-Ear." The man smiled faintly at Mrs. Francis. "Ladies are not to be hacked apart with swords. It reflects badly on pirates in general and on our outfit in particular. ↗

— Seán Cullen

#manners #humor

Many bad things were done under the Evil Empire" she said. "The best we can do now is undo them. Will you assist in this endeavor?" "In every way that I can" said Nutt. "I would like you to teach them civilized behavior," said Ladyship coldly. He appeared to consider this. "Yes, of course, I think, that would be quite possible," he said. "And who would you send to teach the humans?" There was a brief outburst of laughter from Vetinari, who immediately cupped his hand over his mouth. "Oh I do beg your pardon," he said. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #orcs #humor

I have this weird, bad feeling," said another boy. "In my feeling parts. Like something bad is going to happen. ↗

— M.T. Anderson

#humor

Father Pierre, why did you stay on in this colonial Campari-land, where the clink of glasses mingles with the murmur of a million mosquitoes, where waterfalls and whiskey wash away the worries of a world-weary whicker, where gin and tonics jingle in a gyroscopic jubilee of something beginning with J? ↗

— Graham Chapman

#eric-idle #humor #monty-python #humor

I believe there’s only one woman out there for every man, though I’ll be the first to admit how naïve it is to be a heterosexual nowadays. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #love #monogomy #funny

‎"There are two ways to do great mathematics. The first is to be smarter than everybody else. The second way is to be stupider than everybody else -- but persistent. ↗

— Raoul Bott

#math #practice #presistance #raoul-bott #humor