#hum

Went to Jude's party tonight in a tight little black dress to show off figure feeling v. full of myself... ... There's nothing worse than people telling you you looked tired. They might as well have done with it and say you look like five kinds of shit. ↗

— Helen Fielding

#humor

A few dud universes can really clutter up your basement. ↗

— Neal Stephenson

#philosophy #humor

Stop," Kincaid said in a calm voice. "Unclench." "Unclench what?" Murphy demanded. "Unclench your ass." "Excuse me?" "You're going to trip the beam. You need another quarter inch. Relax." "I am relaxed," Murphy growled. "Oh," Kincaid said. "Damn, great ass then. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #humor

Millard! Who's the prime minister?" "Winston Churchill," he said. "Have you gone daft?" "What's the capital of Burma?" "Lord, I've no idea. Rangoon?" "Good! When's your birthday?" "Will you quit shouting and let me bleed in peace! ↗

— Ransom Riggs

#humor

If we assume that man actually does resemble God, then we are forced into the impossible theory that God is a coward, an idiot and a bounder. ↗

— H.L. Mencken

#humor #humor

The skinnification of America's jeanscape has gone too far. ↗

— Stephen Colbert

#weight #humor

It is difficult to be generous-minded to those we have greatly harmed. ↗

— P.D. James

#grudge #human-nature #forgiveness

About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him -- which I assumed was wildly out of his control -- that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he has kissed me. ↗

— The Harvard Lampoon

#humor

He had about the same life expectancy as a three legged hedgehog on a six lane motorway. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor

There was a point to this story, but it has temporarily escaped the chronicler's mind. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#humorous #humor