#hum

I like girls who eat Carrots. ~ Louis Tomlinson ↗

— One Direction

#cute #humor #louis-tomlinson #humor

When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you. ↗

— Nora Ephron

#humor

I AM NOT PAYING FOR SOME CRACKPOT OLD FOOL TO TEACH HIM MAGIC TRICKS!" yelled Uncle Vernon. Hagrid seized his pink umbrella and whirled it over his head "NEVER -" he thundered "- INSULT -ALBUS -DUMBLEDORE - IN - FRONT - OF - ME! ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#hagrid #humor #uncle-vernon #humor

I've learned that you know your husband still loves you when there are two brownies left and he takes the smaller one. ↗

— H. Jackson Brown Jr.

#love #humor

Let me ask you a question Alex. What do you think is the greatest evil on this plant today?" "Is that including, or not including you? ↗

— Anthony Horowitz

#sarcasm #humor

Frostpine made a face. Lifting the cup, he dumped its contents down his throat. “Auugghh!” he yelled, his voice stronger than it had been since his return from the harbor. "Are you trying to kill me, woman?" "If I mean to kill someone, I do it," Rosethorn told him. "I don't try. ↗

— Tamora Pierce

#medicine #humor

I have nightmares about hell, where all I do is add up numbers and try to have conversations with people like you. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#harry-dresden #humor #humor

I’ve had a tense couple of days. And I’ve got to tell you, burning someone’s face off sounds like a great way to relax. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #humor

Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because in the case of the pet, you were not pretending to love it. ↗

— Amy Sedaris

#pets #humor

The great Gaels of Ireland are the men that God made mad, For all their wars are merry, and all their songs are sad. ↗

— G.K. Chesterton

#irish #song #war #humor