#hum

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. ↗

— Steven Wright

#irony #nobel-peace-prize #humor

You know how to shoot?"- Emma "Yes. My dad taught me everything about gun safety. He was an expert." - Heather "What happened to him?" -Shanna "He was...shot." -Heather ↗

— Kerrelyn Sparks

#humor

What...what about when I'm married?” “We'll buy a cot. Your husband can sleep on that when he visits. ↗

— Stephanie Perkins

#humor

Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne. ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#humor

Likest thou jelly within thy doughnut? ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor

Common sense is the most widely shared commodity in the world, for every man is convinced that he is well supplied with it. ↗

— René Descartes

#humor #irony #humor

No matter how much the cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens. ↗

— Abraham Lincoln

#humor #humor

Tink's a Disneyland whore!"-Jenks ↗

— Kim Harrison

#humor

I tried to contain myself... but I escaped! ↗

— Gary Paulsen

#humor #life #freedom

Could we wear spandex and blow things up? ↗

— Lisa Mantchev

#humor #spandex #humor