#hum

• If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer? ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #funny

Grinning is something you do when you're entertained in some way, such as watching one you don't care for spill soda all over themselves. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#funny #grinning #humorous #funny

I don't know where my ideas come from. I will admit, however, that one key ingredient is caffeine. I get a couple cups of coffee into me and weird things just start to happen. ↗

— Gary Larson

#funny #humor #inspirational #funny

To stop smelling is to stop breathing; people only really inhale the essence of life when they pass gas. ↗

— Bauvard

#farting #funny #humor #life #funny

Be yourself. Unless you can be Batman, then be Batman ↗

— Jayy Von Monroe

#funny #humor #musician #funny

When I see the best of myself in others, it makes a good first impression. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #projection #funny

I don't believe in the idea of six degrees of separation - cronyism is unethical. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #funny

Don't swallow: your bulging, blushing cheeks display the saliva you want to share. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #kissing #funny

I bet she likes it hard, from behind, probably likes to get spanked too. I mean, just look at her, she has a serious come-fuck-me-face. ↗

— Ida Løkås

#fuck #funny #humor #sex #slut

Spontaneous abortion: the opposite of immaculate conception. God has compensated for Christianity’s violent history by revealing that innocent blood does not have to be spilt. ↗

— Bauvard

#conception #funny #god #humor #funny