#hum

[Mrs. Allen was] never satisfied with the day unless she spent the chief of it by the side of Mrs. Thorpe, in what they called conversation, but in which there was scarcely ever any exchange of opinion, and not often any resemblance of subject, for Mrs. Thorpe talked chiefly of her children, and Mrs. Allen of her gowns. ↗

— Jane Austen

#humor

My name is Kevin James Breaux and I am an author. Why does that always sound like I am introducing myself at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting? ↗

— Kevin James Breaux

#interview #humor

My liege, and madam, to expostulate What majesty should be, what duty is, Why day is day, night night, and time is time, Were nothing but to waste night, day and time. Therefore, since brevity is the soul of wit, And tediousness the limbs and outward flourishes, I will be brief. ↗

— William Shakespeare

#brevity #humor #art

What’s outside my head and what’s inside my head aren’t worth mentioning. What’s worth mentioning is what’s on my head – my hair. Whatever happens, I’ll still be as fashionably coiffed as I was before the war broke out and I got dementia. ↗

— Bauvard

#hair #humor #funny

After a few days, I mused, I would have no trouble. Whoever heard of a revolution of fat men? ↗

— Louis L'Amour

#humor

it’s as if the universe has a sense of humor, since at a deep level it’s impossible not to lead a spiritual life… the universe is living through you at this moment. with or without belief in god, the chain of events leading from silent awareness to physical reality remains intact. ↗

— Deepak Chopra

#spirituality #universe #humor

There is, after all, no pleasure like that given by a woman who really wants to see you. ↗

— Anthony Powell

#insightful #poignant #humor

He pulled out a dagger from ... she wasn't sure where. Did he have that in his loin cloth? What else does he have in there? (Amy's thoughts, The Witching Pen) ↗

— Dianna Hardy

#dianna-hardy #humor #humorous #paranormal-romance #the-witching-pen

Agatha had a face like an avocado, and a voice like guacamole. I know because I eat lime scented (and flavored) tortilla chips all the time (except at 4:44). ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#voice #humor

Just FYI," Lenny says, his face still red from the nasty sunburn. "I've got a shitload of condoms in my duffle. Front pocket." "For what?" "Listen if you don't know what condoms are for I'm not gonna teach you." "I know what they're for, shithead. I just highly doubt you're getting any ass on this trip." "Watch me," Lenny says. "My boy gets action all the time." "Yeah, I bet your right hand is tired from all that action" I mumble as I walk to the bathroom. "I'm a leftie!" Lenny calls after me. I try not to wince from thinking about it. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#humor