#hum

Good god what men can do to their brains when their cocks are hard. ↗

— Philippa Gregory

#humor

I did some thinking.” “That is a very dangerous pastime,” Ghastek said. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#humor

Alexia suspected Lord Maccon's handling was a tad more than was strictly called for under the circumstances, but she secretly enjoyed the sensation. After all, how often did a spinster of her shelf life get manhandled by an earl of Lord Maccon's peerage? She had better take advantage of the situation. ↗

— Gail Carriger

#humor

How do you fight someone smarter than yourself?' Rand Whispered. 'The answer is simple. You make her think that you are sitting down across the table from her, ready to play her game. Then you punch her in the face as hard as you can. ↗

— Brandon Sanderson

#humor

Infuriated, I scrambled over him, even more furious when I saw the humored glint in his eyes. "God you tick me off." "Well at least I got you--" "Don't even finish that statement! ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#jennifer-armentrout #katy-swartz #opal #the-lux-series #humor

There's an inverse relationship between my temper and my ability to control my accent. If you hear me say 'Fiddledeedee', run for the hills, because I'm getting ready to take out bystanders. ↗

— Molly Harper

#mo #molly-harper #werewolf #humor

I was in a grocery store. I saw a sign that said 'pet supplies.' So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said, 'Compact cars. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

Spontaneous human combustion is for superstitious atheists. I believe in deliberate human combustion. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #funny

Guns, she was reminded then, were not for girls. They were for boys. They were invented by boys. They were invented by boys who had never gotten over their disappointment that accompanying their own orgasm there wasn't a big boom sound. ↗

— Lorrie Moore

#humor #men #sex #humor

There should be a phone service that turns off your phone between midnight and six A.M. every night. And if you want to make a call, you have to pick up the phone and talk to an operator: Put me through to AAA. My car battery's dead. Yes, ma'am. Put me through to Pink Dot. I need vanilla Häagen-Dazs toute de suite! Yes, ma'am. Put me through to my ex-boyfriend... I'm sorry, ma'am, the operator would say. That would be a bad idea. Now you go to bed before you do anything stupid. ↗

— Kim Gruenenfelder

#humor