#hum

He had then warned his daughter not to violate the Eleventh Commandment. "Which one is that?" I asked her. "Do not bullshit thy father," she said. ↗

— Erich Segal

#humour #love

In the past five minutes, I had managed to tease my libido, scald my crotch, and catch a world-class elbow with my forehead. ↗

— B. Justin Shier

#humour #funny

Are you having fun playing with those plastic 3-D models of ears, noses and throats? That’s kind of like what I do, except instead of cute little plastic models, it’s living human tissue, and instead of playing, I’m fucking working, and instead of fun, it’s fucking not fun, it’s serious. ↗

— Colin Nissan

#funny #humor #funny

Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? 'Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is share the love. Beep.' 'Uh, yeah, this is the VD clinic… speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love. ↗

— Andy Rooney

#love

I'm so not interesting in having to try and make something out of foil." What, you didn't like the poncho with wraparound leggings?" It was beyond hideou- wait a minute. You watch that show?" My mom loves it." But your suppose to be sulking in the basement getting ready to light fires." What can I say? I'm a failure as a teenager. I watch TV with my mom. ↗

— Elizabeth Scott

#humor #parensts #tv #humor

Do you know what the definition of insane is? Yes. It’s the inability to relate to another human being. It’s the inability to love. ↗

— Richard Yates

#insanity #love

You could call him," Wes suggests. "Why be a spectator in the game of love? Take charge. Don't wait around and let the boy call all the shots." "As cheesy as all of that sounds," Kimmie adds. "Cheese or not,I know what I'm talking about." He sulks. "I've lived it. I've learned it." Kimmie lets out a laugh. "With who,Romeo? That Wendy girl you paid to date you?" "Oh, and because I don't have a dating history as big as your mouth, it doesn't quite measure up?" "I hate to break this to you, but that isn't the only thing of yours that doesn't measure up." "Wouldn't you like to know?" He grins. ↗

— Laurie Faria Stolarz

#kimmie #wes #humor

In the harsh veracity of the real world, he was rich, successful, and one of the most desired bachelors in New York—and I was, well, me. A world I hoped wouldn’t tear us apart by pointing out just how different our lives were. “You’re probably eager to get home,” Jett whispered in my ear so the flight attendant serving coffee wouldn’t hear us, “but will you stay with me one more night? I’m not quite ready to let this go. ↗

— J.C. Reed

#love #relationship #romantic #home

The essence of being human is that one does not seek perfection, that one is sometimes willing to commit sins for the sake of loyalty, that one does not push asceticism to the point where it makes friendly intercourse impossible, and that one is prepared in the end to be defeated and broken up by life, which is the inevitable price of fastening one's love upon other human individuals. ↗

— George Orwell

#love #life

Every day of my life, I feel fat. It's not correct thinking in the natural, normal human being's way of life. ↗

— Angie Everhart

#correct #day #every #every day #fat