#hum

I stared at the phone in disbelief, then ripped a clean sheet of paper from my notebook. I scribbled ' Jerk ' on the first line. On the line beneath it I added, ' Smokes cigars. Will die of lung cancer. Hopefully soon. ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#funny #humor #hush-hush #patch-and-nora #funny

We humans are the greatest of earth's parasites. ↗

— Martin H. Fischer

#greatest #humans #parasites

I am a very discreet human when it comes to other people. ↗

— Carrie Fisher

#comes #discreet #human #i #i am

Wasnt it Startre who said hell was eternity spent in a room with your friends? ↗

— L.J. Smith

#humor

I yearn to be a woman of more depth, but I'm not so fond of the path I'd need to follow to get there. ↗

— Jen Lancaster

#humor

Oh - that family, yes. There are still some photos of them around here. They look like nice people, don't they?" They...'look like nice people'?" Well, they do, don't they? Of course, they never actually existed - except maybe in the most tenuous and retrospective way - but still, it's nice to think they were good people." Uh. Right. Gee, I suppose you must do a lot of drugs. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#death

The over-weight and out of shape guy who owned the house had apparently decided that having a half-million dollar house meant that he couldn’t afford to hire someone to clean out his gutters. Now he was dead with what looked to me like a broken neck after the ladder had slipped. He’d taken the plunge into his fancy landscaping—complete with rock garden. But hey, his fucking gutters were clean. ↗

— Diana Rowland

#dying #garden #humor #irony #sarcasm

It’s natural to die. The fact that we make such a big hullabaloo over it is all because we don’t see ourselves as part of nature. We think because we’re human we’re something above nature. ↗

— Morrie Schwartz

#human #life #natural #death

...In the end, there's no sort of difference between dying from ignorance and dying under the feet of thousands of men who have regained their freedom. You close your eyes, and then there's nothing anymore. And death is never difficult. It requires neither a hero nor a slave. It eats what it's served. ↗

— Philippe Claudel

#freedom #humanity #slavery #death

I couldn't have been more shocked if he pulled a pink elephant out of his ass! ↗

— Tamara Rose Blodgett

#elephant #humor #shock #death