#hum

Of course it's your fault," Grandma said. "You must be doing something wrong, if you know what I mean. Maybe you need to buy a book that tells you how to do it. I hear there are books out there with pictures and everything. I saw one in the store the other day. It was called A Sex Guide for Dummies. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humor

Exercise is for people who can't handle drugs or alcohol. ↗

— Lily Tomlin

#humor

I swear, Oliver, when did you become such a stick-in-the-mud?” “I’ve always been a stick-in-the-mud.” Her brother cast her a thin smile. “I just hid it beneath all the debauchery.” She sniffed. “I wish you’d hide it again. It’s quite annoying. ↗

— Sabrina Jeffries

#siblings #humor

Nothing shows you the straight line from here to death like a list. ↗

— Chuck Palahniuk

#humor #death

My family's big on denial. And if we denied something long enough, we thought it'd go away. I know that's not how it works, but we're in denial about that, too. ↗

— Lisa Shearin

#family

...it woke me up, got me focused back on my current tasks: find Libby, save Libby, find James, kiss James, maul James, press James for details on Stiles, find Stiles, fight Stiles, find Morgan, find his bride, make them fall in love, make Naomi understand, make Libby normal again, kiss James again, eat a few prices of fruit. Total order. ↗

— Beth Bloom

#humor #run-on-sentence #run-on-sentence-award #funny

I can only think of music as something inherent in every human being - a birthright. Music coordinates mind, body and spirit. ↗

— Yehudi Menuhin

#birthright #body #coordinates #every #human

The biggest human temptation is to settle for too little. ↗

— Thomas Merton

#human #little #settle #temptation #too

I have never committed a sin. I am committed to sin, and my adoration will never waver. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #sin #funny

It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age. ↗

— Warren Buffett

#investing #age