#hum

Misery, thy name is Mudslide ↗

— Molly Harper

#humour #paranormal-romance #funny

Maybe it was me," Grandma said."Sometimes they sneak out.Did I fart? ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#granmda-mazur #humor #stephanie-plum #funny

What are you thinking of so earnestly?" said he, as they walked back to the ballroom; "not of your partner, I hope, for, by that shake of the head, your meditations are not satisfactory." Catherine coloured, and said, "I was not thinking of anything." That is artful and deep, to be sure; but I had rather be told at once that you will not tell me." Well then, I will not." Thank you; for now we shall soon be acquainted, as I am authorized to tease you on this subject whenever we meet, and nothing in the world advances intimacy so much. ↗

— Jane Austen

#art

I'm courteous to most, but antisocial among polite society. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#humor #manners #funny

When in doubt, ignore and be horribly unimpressed ↗

— Laurell K. Hamilton

#ignorance

I want to wear baby halos as hospital bracelets to protest abortion. I'll tell my doctor I don't need any treatment - I was born a survivor. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #funny

I installed a skylight in my apartment...The people who live above me are furious! ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #funny

I suddenly realize that I'm naked, which shouldn't bother me since it's the phone, but for some reason it does. "How's it hanging?" Kyra asks and now I think I'm blushing. It's just an expression, but jeez! ↗

— Barry Lyga

#humour #nudity #self-consciousness #funny

Willpower subverts passion. Bureaucracy subverts willpower. Idiocy subverts bureaucracy. ↗

— Bauvard

#desire #funny #humor #idiots #willpower

It's funny how things work out sometimes. ↗

— Anthony Horowitz

#funny