#hum

I'm the first to admit that I don't write right. Now, relax and enjoy the show! The sideshow, that is. ↗

— Lori R. Lopez

#books #eccentric #humor #offbeat #quirky

Only someone you know is going to assume you know them by saying 'it's me.' It's strangers who use names, since they know you don't know who they are." I'm terrified to think that that almost made sense. ↗

— Tara K. Harper

#humor

There are 2,500 kinds of sponges, all of them consist largely of holes. ↗

— Will Cuppy

#humor #zoology #humor

I can think of only one good solution to this dilemma," Diego said, having spent the entire night developing a plan. You sneak into the school and carry her off?" Gaspar quipped. That is the not-so-good solution. And it would be very difficult to sneak into a house full of women without raising an alarm." A cloud descended on Gaspar's brow. "I was not serious. Kidnapping is not a choice. ↗

— Sabrina Jeffries

#kidnapping #romance #humor

He's going to arrest the Patrician, Vimes told himself, the thought trickling through his brain like an icy rivulet. He's actually going to arrest the Patrician. The supreme ruler. He's going to arrest him. This is what he's actually going to do. The boy doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear." Oh, wouldn't it be a good idea if he knew the meaning of the word "survival"... ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor

God save King Pendragon, May his reign long drag on, God save the King. Send him most gorious, Great and uproarious, Horrible and hoarious, God save our King. ↗

— T. H. White

#classic #humor #pendragon #humor

I'm just like any other person you can meet and greet on the street and like or not like. I'm not Holden or Humbert. You can really touch me! If you don't believe me, come to Aristod right now. Come hold and hump me! ↗

— Brian Celio

#humbert #humor #salinger #wordplay #humor

Oh go get some dignity. I think it's in the aisle next to the Q-tips. ↗

— Gasmaskman

#humor

We found the bathrooms, which were labeled 'Aliens' and 'Femaliens.' 'Finally,' I said to J.Lo. 'Here's a bathroom you're allowed to use. ↗

— Adam Rex

#humor #toilet #humor

Alright. You hate me, I'm not too fond of you. It's mutual..." he muttered, walking hesitantly toward the stallion, hand outstretched, "I know you want to bite my hand off, but I swear I have no carrots, so you have no excuse. You want to throw me when I get on you...but if you even try, I will stab you. ↗

— Shanda Sharlow

#horse #humor #humor