#hum

Taste of metal on my tongue. Poison the color of envy- I'm delirious, you're delicious, I'm deluded and delusional. I'm lost without you. I need you. ↗

— Cecily von Ziegesar

#dan-humphrey #gossip-girl #gossip

I find her anecdotes more efficacious than sheep-counting, rain on a tin roof, or alanol tablets.... you will find me and Morpheus, off in a corner, necking. ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#counting-sheep #humour #boredom

...You'd think the little part about them supposedly killing us would be the attention getter. ↗

— James Dashner

#the-scorch-trials-humour #trials

Three lights should be fine." - Zachary "Aye, well if it wis me, I'd want a bloody lighthoose beacon comin' oot o' my arse." - True MacDonald ↗

— Steve Alten

#loch #sci-fi #steve-alten #sci-fi

Share and Enjoy' is the company motto of the hugely successful Sirius Cybernetics Corporation Complaints Division, which now covers the major land masses of three medium-sized planets and is the only part of the Corporation to have shown a consistent profit in recent years. The motto stands-- or rather stood-- in three mile high illuminated letters near the Complaints Department spaceport on Eadrax. Unfortunately its weight was such that shortly after it was erected, the ground beneath the letters caved in and they dropped for nearly half their length through the offices of many talented young Complaints executives-- now deceased. The protruding upper halves of the letters now appear, in the local language, to read "Go stick your head in a pig," and are no longer illuminated, except at times of special celebration. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#sci-fi #humor

I can tell you that she's not breathing,” he said. “She has no heartbeat and all organ function and brain activity have stopped. Also her body temperature is now at seventy-three degrees.” “So you’re saying that she’s dead,” I said. “Well, I can't prove it, but, yes, I am leaning that way. ↗

— John Zakour

#sci-fi #sci-fi-humour-comedy #sci-fi

How bad is it?” “The story is only just now being reported, but let's put it this way,” HARV said. “The bag is now clearly catless, and there’s a very foul odor coming from the fan. ↗

— John Zakour

#sci-fi #sci-fi-humour-comedy #sci-fi

People used to say obvious things ironically or as a form of understatement, but in the last few decades they seem to say it with a sense of discovery, and it worries me. ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#discovery

If someone called me chubby, it would no longer be something that kept me up late at night. Being called fat is not like being called stupid or unfunny, which is the worst thing you could ever say to me. Do I envy Jennifer Hudson for being able to lose all that weight and look smokin’ hot? Of course, yes. Do I sometimes look at Gisele Bundchen and wonder how awesome life would be if I never had to wear Spanx? Duh, of course. That’s kind of the point of Gisele Bundchen. And maybe I will, once or twice, for a very short period of time. But on the list of things I want to do in my lifetime, that’s not near the top. I mean, it’s not near the bottom either. I’d say it’s right above “Learn to drive a vespa,” but several notches below “film a chase scene for a movie. ↗

— Mindy Kaling

#humor

America is a land where a citizen will cross the ocean to fight for democracy - and wont cross the street to vote in a national election. ↗

— Bill Vaughn

#elections