#hum

Mark: When did you learn to drive? Courtney: About three seconds ago. ↗

— D.J. MacHale

#humor

The summer movies are coming out. My advice: just stay home and burn a good book. ↗

— Stephen Colbert

#humor #humor

Yeah, fucknuts, its you. You're me. To get into this place, You're gonna have to kill me. Which is not gonna happen 'cause I'm not so cool with dying. What is gonna happen is that i'm gonna kick your ass and kill you dead. ↗

— P.C. Cast

#humor

So that means that Peter..." I swallowed. "That his full name was Peter Parker." "Yeah" I burst into tears. "Oh, my God! I killed Spiderman! ↗

— Michelle Rowen

#humor

Nïx lay on her side, bending her elbow to casually prop her head in her hand. With a sigh she said, “Bowen, I took you on as my pet project because I like to ogle you. Due to your rowr factor. ↗

— Kresley Cole

#humor

Relationships are ropes. Love is a noose. - Durzo Blint ↗

— Brent Weeks

#fantasy #humor

Why bother with a cunning plan when a simple one will do? ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#words-to-live-by #humor

I want us to be... what is your word? Friends." "Psychotic rapists don't have friends." "I was unaware you were a psychotic rapists or I would not have offered." (Mac & V'lane) ↗

— Karen Marie Moning

#humor

I never fail. It's just that the people around me succeed more than I. ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#humor #success #humor

every idiot who goes about with a 'Merry Christmas' on his lips should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. ↗

— Charles Dickens

#humor