#hum

Every relationship is a tug of war, and I hope the scaffold wins. ↗

— Bauvard

#hanging #humor #power #relationships #tug-of-war

I can't be a cream puff. ↗

— Buddy Valastro

#humor #food

Henry held up his taco- formerly Vlad's- and grinned. " Little known fact, gentlemen. Tacos are the food of genius." pg248 Henry to Vlad & Joss ↗

— Heather Brewer

#henry #humor #joss #tacos #vampire

Pride is all very well, but a sausage is a sausage. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#food #humor #pride #food

For a moment, or a second, the pinched expressions of the cynical, world-weary, throat-cutting, miserable bastards we've all had to become disappears, when we're confronted with something as simple as a plate of food. ↗

— Anthony Bourdain

#food #humor #memoirs #food

Sometimes... the first step to forgiveness is realizing that the other person... is batshit crazy. ↗

— Michelle Bartlett

#forgiveness #humor #forgiveness

Come on, Beamer! I beheaded you for your own good. ↗

— S.J. Kincaid

#humor

If you still persist in writing, "Good food at it's best", you deserve to be struck by lightning, hacked up on the spot and buried in an unmarked grave. ↗

— Lynne Truss

#humour #food

Sounds become more like other sounds that neighbor them. That is why one congressman oinks, another moos, and another bleats. ↗

— Bauvard

#congress #funny #humor #funny

Fletch then kisses me on the forehead before opening the cabinet under the coffeemaker to grab placemats and napkins. Retrieving these items is his job because I kind of don't like to bend. I also refuse to carry anything heavier than my purse. ↗

— Jen Lancaster

#humor