#hum

You okay in there?" "No, I'm hanging from a closet rod. ↗

— Jodi Picoult

#humor

What’s life in this nation? Collect emptiness in a household of cornflakes. Transient fuel gobbles attention, the television aches, the truth walks. Scheme worms welcome your corpse, trap clicks and you’re in heaven, bored rigid ↗

— Steve Aylett

#humor

What are you doing?” “What does it look like? I’m getting down on my knees.” His head butted against her stomach. Her muscles clenched, shocked at the touch, even through the layer of cotton. “I’ve never begged a woman for anything before. Enjoy this.” She tried to think of something sufficiently sassy. “Enjoy it? I can’t even see it.” “It’s symbolic. ↗

— Alisha Rai

#humor #romance #forgiveness

I sometimes wonder how many hours of my life I have wasted bitching about keyboards. The use of keyboards and synthesizers is the Roe v. Wade of '80s metal. It was-without question-the lamest instrument a band could use. ↗

— Chuck Klosterman

#humor

The movie was kickass, which was appropriate, because tonight it was called Kickass: The Movie. ↗

— Daniel Handler

#movies #humor

Why write a song when no one can play the notes or understand the lyrics? ↗

— Christopher Moore

#humor #series #vampires #humor

I'm more and more positive about this. So I don't know anything about my husband or life. The point is, I've married a good-looking multi-millionaire who loves me and has a huge penthouse and brought me taupe roses. I'm not going to throw it all away just because of the small detail that I can't remember him. ↗

— Rachel Gibson

#humor

This is not the way things are done in Boy’s Own Adventure books. I recall no mentions of homosexual gang-rape and cannibalism ↗

— Robert Rankin

#humour #humor

Unsere Landschaft ist nicht so dramatisch wie die Alpen, aber ausreichend dramatisch. Das Wasser in unserem See ist nicht so warm wie auf den Malediven, aber ausreichend warm. Die Bären in unseren Wäldern sind nicht so groß wie in Alaska, aber ausreichend groß." Solche Werbung gibt es wohl wirklich nur in Schweden. Dem Land, wo die Königsfamilie nicht so königlich ist wie in Windsor, aber ausreichend königlich. ↗

— Gunnar Herrmann

#lagom #sweden #humor

Most investigators don't even know what the word means. You stop the cops from using informants and the only crimes they'd ever solve would be those by deranged postal workers who come to work once too often. ↗

— Andrew Vachss

#humor #private-detective #humor