#hum

I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true. ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#humor

Ooh..I want one" - Bex They're not puppies." -Cammie ↗

— Ally Carter

#humor

Citizen's arrest," he said. "Well, that, and Patch told me to. ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#humor

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #humor

You mean other than the wings? I once ate nine snicker bars in a row without barfing. It was a record. ↗

— James Patterson

#maximum-ride #nudge #humor

No, thanks," said Harry. "The toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it - it might be sick." Then he ran, before Dudley could work out what he'd said. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#harry-potter #humor #toilet #humor

Chocolate is God's apology for brocolli ↗

— Richard Paul Evans

#humor

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other guy die for his. ↗

— George S. Patton Jr.

#humor

Careful. We don't want to learn from this. ↗

— Bill Watterson

#humor

I'm sure I'll feel much more grateful when I find a guy who thinks complex wiring in a girl is a turn-on. ↗

— Marissa Meyer

#cyborg #girl #humor #marissa-meyer #humor