#hum

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous. ↗

— Yogi Berra

#humor

Every time you come in yelling that God damn "Rise and Shine!" "Rise and Shine!" I say to myself, "How lucky dead people are! ↗

— Tennessee Williams

#humor #lucky #rise #waking-up #humor

Daddy, What's the horizontal tango? ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#humor

The truth is never easy to take, but I’m getting better at it since I joined the thieves’ guild. I pluck it from liars' tongued when there's no bread in their mouths. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #thievery #truth #funny

The fact that she made this beeline for me both warmed my soul and made me want to turn around, walk out the door, and find a cliff to fling myself off of. ↗

— Lia Habel

#romance-funny #funny

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange? ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

Guess who has PE first hour? This is so unfair. I start the day off perspiring like an elephant in heat. Don't the people who make up our schedule understand body odor? Don't they understand frizzy hair? ~Vee ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#humor

I tried to think of something to say. Excuse me? Hello? Marry me? Anything would have done. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #romance #sadie #humor

To err is human, to purr is feline. ↗

— Robert Byrne

#err #error #feline #human #humor

And I can see Russia from my house. ↗

— Tina Fey

#sarah-palin #humor