#hum

You judge very properly," said Mr. Bennet, "and it is happy for you that you possess the talent of flattering with delicacy. May I ask whether these pleasing attentions proceed from the impulse of the moment, or are the result of previous study?" "They arise chiefly from what is passing at the time, and thought I sometimes amuse myself with suggesting and arranging such little elegant compliments as may be adapted to ordinary occasions, I always wish to give them as unstudied an air as possible." Mr. Bennet's expectations were fully answered. His cousin was as absurd as he had hoped, and he listened with the keenest enjoyment, maintaining at the same time the most resolute composure of countenance, and except in an occasional glance at Elizabeth, requiring no partner in his pleasure. ↗

— Jane Austen

#humor

Is she always like this?" "No, usually worse. ↗

— Steve Voake

#personality #humor

If you pull some lame-ass 'I'm your father' bullshit, right now, I'm going to lose it. ↗

— Martin Leicht

#captive #humor #humor

Herr Altenburg, I can't; I have vertigo.' And Marek looked at him: 'All right - I'll get the chemist to fix me something. ↗

— Eva Ibbotson

#humor #marek #song-for-summer #humor

There's only one person who needs a glass of water oftener than a small child tucked in for the night, and that's a writer sitting down to write. ↗

— Mignon McLaughlin

#humor #writers #writing #humor

You can’t have everything. Where would you put it? ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

You're cool Joe" she told him, her voice weighty, as if she was bestowing a grave honor on him even though a blind person could sense his utter coolness. ↗

— Kristen Ashley

#humor #humor

It has been well said that an author who expects results from a first novel is in a position similar to that of a man who drops a rose petal down the Grand Canyon of Arizona and listens for the echo. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#novels #writing #humor

You're a big one,[...] a tall drink of water, but I got to tell you, you don't look too bright. I got a son, stupid as a man who bought his stupid at a two-for-one sale, and you remind me of him. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#humor

Maybe you can explain to me what is so spectacular about her, because you gay girls can’t seem to keep your hands off that daffy redhead. ↗

— Cassandra Duffy

#lesbian #humor