#hum

We danced like an eagle and a dolphin in a blender, and then we made love like those plastic plates with the dividers molded in so the food stays separate and never touches.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#dancing #division #dolphin #eagle #food

A brick could be used as a Love Detector. Yes, it's true! Find the love of your life today. Don't hesitate! To find out how, please mail a check or money order to:
 Jarod Kintz
 12321 Gullible Dr.
 Jacksonville, Fl 32202
 (Actual brick not included.) ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#brick-and-blanket-test #divergence-test #funny #humor #love

The three species of pine native to Wisconsin (white, red and jack) differ radically in their opinions about marriageable age. The precocious jackpine sometimes bloom and bears cones a year or two after leaving the nursery, and a few of my 13-year-old jacks already boast of grandchildren. My 13-year-old reds first bloomed this year, but my whites have not yet bloomed; they adhere closely to the Anglo-Saxon doctrine of free, white, and twenty-one. ↗

— Aldo Leopold

#humor #pines #trees #age

Old age. All the facial detail is visible; all the traces life has left there are to be seen. The face is furrowed, wrinkled, sagging, ravaged by time. But the eyes are bright and, if not young, then somehow transcend the time that otherwise marks the face. It is as though someone else is looking at us, from somewhere inside the face, where everything is different. One can hardly be closer to another human soul. ↗

— Karl Ove Knausgård

#eyes #humans #life #old-age #perception

Tesla,” the vicar mused. “That’s a foreign name, is it not? Hungarian, is it?” “Serbian,” I corrected him. “I’m afraid the ——shire Teslas are a scant three centuries in these parts, having constructed Tesla Hall in the reign of Queen Elizabeth.We are a restless people, and no doubt will be moving on again any century now. ↗

— Vinnie Tesla

#humor #age

The others would then fall silent and she would continue about doped gallium arsenide detectors, or the ethanol content of the galactic cloud W-3. The quantity of 200-proof alcohol in this single interstellar cloud was more than enough to maintain the present population of the Earth, if every adult were a dedicated alcoholic, for the age of the solar system. The tamada had appreciated the remark. ↗

— Carl Sagan

#astronomy #humor #science #age

Perhaps if you were to refrain from deploying the phrase ‘ignorant buffoon’ with a liberality most writers reserve for ‘it’ and ‘the,’ you would find a readier audience. ↗

— Vinnie Tesla

#humor #age

What the hell is this stuff?" he muttered, frowning at the oily spot on the linen cloth. "Pearlman slathered it on me this morning." "It's macassar oil. Gentlemen use it to keep their hair neat. Nicholas used it," she added pointedly. "Well, tomorrow he's giving it up. I smell like a rotten apple." "You do not. And I think it looks rather nice." He sent her an incredulous look. "I look like an otter. And everything I put my head against gets greasy." "That's why someone invented the antimacassar," she told him, almost smiling. "The-aha!" He laughed as he made the connection. "Of course. First they invent something stupid, then something ugly to make up for it. We live in a wondrous age, Annie. ↗

— Patricia Gaffney

#social-commentary #victorian-era #age

Though we might like to think so, humankind is not at any special, unique or privileged location in the gargantuan, perhaps infinite, Universe. ↗

— Eric Chaisson

#earth #humankind #universe #age

Ook, though very clever, was the worst fighter in the tribe. That is how he ended up with Grot-Grot as his woman. Grot-Grot had a bald patch on the top of her head, she was missing an eye and she smelled like a dead skunk. She did have a good sense of humour though. ↗

— Aussiescribbler

#humor #ugliness #age