#humor

She doesn't understand that a writer is a special creature--that I'm different from everyone else. I'm not saying I'm superior to other people, just more sensitive, I guess. ↗

— Christopher Moore

#writer #humor

I think this man might actually possess supernatural powers. He makes people lose their minds and I’m sure some of them do lose bladder control as well." "I see. And who is this author" "Neil Fucking Gaiman." "His second name is Fucking?" "No Leif that’s the honorary second name all celebrities are given by their fans. It’s not an insult it’s a huge compliment and he’s earned it. ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#humor

Can I ask you a question?" "I'd be disappointed if you didn't." "How many of those suits do you have? Do you like, send them to the laundry, or throw them out and put on a new one when it gets all gamey?" - Bobby talking to Saint Dane, RR ↗

— D.J. MacHale

#humor

My name is Skippito Friskito. (clap-clap) I fear not a single bandito. (clap-clap) My manners are mellow, I'm sweet like the Jell-o, I get the job done, yes indeed-o. (clap-clap) ↗

— Judy Schachner

#humor #mexican #siamese-cats #skippyjon-jones #humor

Even bipolar vampires needed sleep from time to time, and he was well past his recommended safe dosage of stress. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#myrnin #vampires #humor

Cool people are only cool for the first thirty minutes of knowing them. After that, they just become annoying. ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#humorous #people #humor

APD is primarily defined as a lack of empathy,' I said. I'd looked it up too, a few months ago. Empathy is what allows people to interpret emotion, the same way ears interpret sounds; without it you become emotionally deaf. 'It means I don't connect emotionally with other people. I wondered if he was going to pick that one.' 'How do you even know that?' she said. 'You're fifteen years old, for goodness' sake. You should be ... I don't know, chasing girls or playing video games.' 'You're telling a sociopath to chase girls? ↗

— Dan Wells

#humor #john-weaver #sociopath #humor

When you walk a dog on a short leash, she's close enough to bite you. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#humor

She has great breasts," the Colonel said without looking up from the whale. "DO NOT OBJECTIFY WOMEN'S BODIES!" Alaska shouted. Now he looked up. "Sorry. Perky breasts." "That's not any better! ↗

— John Green

#humor #wise #humor

Now I remember why I hate eating sheep. Horrible, fluffy things that give me hair balls and indigestion. ( Saphira from the Eragon Series) ↗

— Christopher Paolini

#humor