#humor

Charity groped for the phone, coming up with it at last and croaking "hello" in a voice that sounded exactly like a bullfrog's mating call. Which made a kind of twisted sense -- last night she'd been hunting for a mate as well. ↗

— Elizabeth Jane Howard

#humor-relationships #dating

A weapon, I told Horus. I need a weapon. I reached into the Duat and pulled out an ostrich feather. “Really?” I yelled. Horus didn’t answer ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor

Break ups aren't fair. Why does only one person have power? We both agreed to start dating. Why do you get to make the decision to end it? Shouldn't it be a joint decision too? Relationships aren't a democracy. Not everyone gets an equal vote. ↗

— Alyssa Rose Ivy

#relationships #truth #dating

If a boy doesn't respect his mother...run! ↗

— Tracy Yates

#humor #relationships #dating

I’d rather straighten my pubes with a flat iron than go on another blind date. ↗

— Stephanie McAfee

#dating #humor #dating

What was that about?' she demanded. 'His mother is practically gushing over you. Not to mention that he's holding your hand like it's the most natural thing in the world. Forget about dating - are you having a wedding you forgot to invite me to? ↗

— Rebecca Donovan

#dating

You're Hell's Angels, then? What chapter are you from?' REVELATIONS, CHAPTER SIX. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#death #hells-angels #humor #death

Kira: L, do you know Gods of death love apples? L: Damn you, Kira... ↗

— Tsugumi Ohba

#manga #note #secret #death

Music is crucial. Beyond no way can I overstress this fact. Let's say you're southbound on the interstate, cruising alone in the middle lane, listening to AM radio. Up alongside comes a tractor trailer of logs or concrete pipe, a tie-down strap breaks, and the load dumps on top of your little sheetmetal ride. Crushed under a world of concrete, you're sandwiched like so much meat salad between layers of steel and glass. In that last, fast flutter of your eyelids, you looking down that long tunnel toward the bright God Light and your dead grandma walking up to hug you--do you want to be hearing another radio commercial for a mega, clearance, closeout, blow-out liquidation car-stereo sale? ↗

— Chuck Palahniuk

#humor #music #truth #death

When he finished, he drank from the cup. Everyone else did too, so I followed suit. And nearly choked to death. It was like fire in liquid form. It took every ounce of strength I had to swallow it and not spray it on those around me. "Wh...what is this?" I asked, coughing. Viktoria grinned. "Vodka." I peered at the glass. "No, it isn't. I've had vodka before." "Not Russian vodka." Apparently not. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#rose #death