#humor

I stumbled through the dark underbrush again crying out as I plunged through a thick spiderweb. My arms frantically brushed away the clinging web as irrational fear made me batshit-crazy for a moment. Scared of a damn spider when a bloodthirsty demon was chasing me down. Ridiculous. ↗

— Jenn Bennett

#humor

All in all, I think that out of all musical genres, the world of metal is the most escapist one. Metal is also music for people who think for themselves. I think metalheads are smart people who possess a healthy dose of self-irony and a good sense of humor, and that appeals to me. I felt a strong affinity with the scene from the first moment on. ↗

— Tuomas Holopainen

#tuomas-holopainen #humor

Fuck the Pope ↗

— Hunter S. Thompson

#humor

In recent weeks it has come to my attention that many caravans have met with disaster; they have not gotten through." I grunted wisely. "Probably ran out of water. That's the thing about deserts. Dry." "Indeed. A fascinating analysis. But survivors reaching Hebron report differently: monsters fell upon them in the wastes." "What, fell upon them in a squashed-them kind of way?" "More the leaped-out-and-slew-them kind. (...) ↗

— Jonathan Stroud

#humor #humor

That macho protective bullshit is just some asshat man pissing on his territory so the other dogs will stay away. ↗

— Tammara Webber

#humor

After moral poisoning, one requires physical remedies and a bottle of champagne. ↗

— Stendhal

#humor #humor

He sighed. It was a long sigh, weary and worldly-wise. The kind of sigh you could picture God heaving after six days of hard work and looking forward to some serious cosmic R&R, only to be handed a report by an angel concerning a problem with someone eating an apple. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#spunky #humor

I pushed back my chair and leaned against the table, then swung back to Tens. 'And if you're not nicer to me I'll just wiggle my eyebrows or purse my lips or whatever the hell I do to kill everything around me and then you'll be dead. And then we'll see who gets the last laugh.' Pg.51 ↗

— Amber Kizer

#humor

preps are like cheerleaders, except less jumpy ↗

— Katie Alender

#humor

I stepped forward. Call me old-fashioned, but I wanted to keep his focus on me and not Annabeth. I think it’s polite for a guy to protect his girlfriend from instant incineration. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #humor