#humor

A wife is a friend first, a lover second, and third and probably most important, a maid. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #ridiculous #wife

Don’t just stand there with your Eiffel Tower smile. Tell me you love me, and tell me in French.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #age

It was Lisa, aged five, whose mother asked her to thank my wife for the peas we had sent them from our garden. 'I thought the peas were awful, I wish you and Mrs. Thurber were dead, and I hate trees,' said Lisa. ↗

— James Thurber

#age

I live for the moment and love for eternity. I mean I’d like to, but I’m too impatient for either. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #age

I love like an albino. But I don’t want to get sunburned, so would you please pass the ketchup? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#albino #funny #humor #love #surrealism

Love is, or you isn’t. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love #age

Woman, I could drown in your love, but I’d much rather be strangled. More passionate, don’t you agree? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love #age

Love is like a free lunch. You won’t find any in this life, because I had yours for breakfast. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love #age

I raise my head and see a red illuminated EXIT sign and as my eyes adjust I see tigers, cavemen with long spears, cavewomen wearing strategically modest skins, wolfish dogs. My heart is racing and for a liquor-addled moment I think Holy shit, I've gone all the way back to the Stone Age until I realize that EXIT signs tend to congregate in the twentieth century. ↗

— Audrey Niffenegger

#time-travel #age

I rarely drink, but last night, after several hours and several beers at the bar, I found myself face to face with two huge boobs. They weren’t the breasts of a young woman, but those of an old man. Still, the taste of a nipple is genderless.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#alcohol #awesome #bar #bizarre #drinking