#humor

If I were illiterate, my signature would be audible. It’d be two grunts and a sigh. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#illiterate #signature #humor

I was never going to get any sleep. I was going to have Alice in Wonderland conversation after Alice in Wonderland conversation until I died of exhaustion. Here, in the restful, idyllic Victorian era. ↗

— Connie Willis

#humor #victorian-era #humor

There was a sudden commotion in front of us. The Seelie had just sifted in, minus V'Lane, in close proximity to Ryodan, Lor, and Fade. I wasn't sure who was more disgusted. Or homicidal. Velvet hissed. "You have no right to be here!" "Kill it." Ryodan said flatly. "Don't you dare!" I heard Jo snap. "Fucking faeries," Lor muttered. ↗

— Karen Marie Moning

#humor

I had no idea what I was paying James, but based on his picnic-assembling skills alone, he needed a raise. ↗

— Lish McBride

#salary #humor

That was one problem with dramatic exits: Sometimes they wound up making you look like a bubblehead. ↗

— Scott Westerfeld

#humor

Wiggles hissed as I crossed the floor toward the throne. She fixed me with her empty hateful eyes and smelled the air, her long tongue shivering through the slit of the lipless mouth. Nice to see you too, sweetheart. Remember my cattle prod? ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#ilona-andrews #magic-bites #humor

Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head. ↗

— Bo Burnham

#humor

In WASP families, if you don't get along with someone, you have as little to do with them as possible. In Jewish families, you move next door, to make them as miserable as possible. ↗

— Doreen Orion

#culture #culture-critique #family #family-drama #family-relationships

I know it's practical for career women, but sneakers with suits? Jesus couldn't possibly weep harder than I did. ↗

— MaryJanice Davidson

#fashion #humor #vampires #humor

Maybe he's been in Africa so long he has forgotten that we Christians have our own system of marriage, and it is called Monotony. ↗

— Barbara Kingsolver

#humor