#humor

I looked up to find a slim blond figure standing in the doorway to the kitchen. For a frozen second, I looked at him and he looked at me, and then I screamed and threw my coffee, which hit him square in the groin. ↗

— Karen Chance

#humor

I want to be able to type 60 words per minute without repeatedly typing one-letter words like “I” or “A. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#type #words #humor

Hello, sexy. I knew that you couldn't get through the night without me," Finn's smug, slightly sleepy voice filled my ear. "So why don't you tell me what you're wearing?" I rolled my eyes. Apparently, my foster brother hadn't bothered to check his caller ID before he picked up the phone. I wondered if this was how he answered all his late night calls, or if he was actually expecting to hear from Bria. I really hoped it was the second one. "What am I wearing? Well, right now it would be the blood of two giants, among other naughty unmentionables," I purred. "What does that do for you, sexy?" Silence. Then Finn cleared his throat. "Uh Gin? Did you dial my number by mistake? Shouldn't you be cooing these sweet, sweet nothings into Owen's ear instead of mine? ↗

— Jennifer Estep

#gin #humor #humor

I'm not short," Daisy muttered. "Short women are never mysterious, or elegant, or pursued by handsome men. And they're always treated like children. I refuse to be short. ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#humor #humor

Humanity takes itself too seriously. It is the world's original sin. If cavemen had known how to laugh, history would have been different. ↗

— Chuck Klosterman

#humor #laughter #humor

Batas antara keras kepala dan bodoh itu sangat tipis. ↗

— Windhy Puspitadewi

#humor

Mother nature is a fickle and forgetful bitch," she snapped. "She needs a helping hand and I am trying to hurry her along for their sake. ↗

— Sabrina Jeffries

#mother-nature #humor

‎"Sarge, mr. Nurd here is threatening to turn me to jelly." "really?" said Sarge. "what flavor? ↗

— John Connolly

#gates #humor #john-connolly #science-fiction-fantasy #humor

The only excursion of my life outside of New Orleans took me through the vortex to the whirlpool of despair: Baton Rouge. . . . New Orleans is, on the other hand, a comfortable metropolis which has a certain apathy and stagnation which I find inoffensive. ↗

— John Kennedy Toole

#ignatius-j-reilly #new-orleans #humor

It did not look like the work of God, but it might have represented the handicraft of a God with a joyous sense of humor, a dancing God who loved mischief as much as prayer, and playfulness as much as mischief. ↗

— Pat Conroy

#god #humor