#humor

Make-up? What happened? You look almost female." "Thanks. You look almost straight. ↗

— Susan Elizabeth Phillips

#one-liners #humor

Sucks to be left out of adolescence, sort of like getting locked in the closet on Venus when the sun appears for the first time in a hundred years. ↗

— Junot Díaz

#humor #nerdiness #ray-bradbury #science-fiction #humor

Unfortunately this Electric Monk had developed a fault, and had started to believe all kinds of things, more or less at random. It was even beginning to believe things they'd have difficulty believing in Salt Lake City. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#humor #mormonism #religion #robot #humor

SHAKE AND BAKE!!!!!!! ↗

— Ricky Bobby

#taladaga-nights #humor

Filled with a coward rage that dares to burn but does not dare to blaze, Lord Emsworth coughed a cough that was undisguisedly a bronchial white flag. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#wodehouse #humor

I'll call if I break a leg or get eaten by a bear." "Play like a rock." "Now?" "No, if a bear starts eating you." I thought for a moment before replying. "Do they have screaming, sobbing rocks, 'cause that's probably what I'll be doing if a bear is gnawing my arm off." "It would be difficult to just lay there and be eaten alive, huh?" "Ya think? ↗

— Darynda Jones

#humor #humor

It's a philosophical minefield!" Cabal had a brief mental image of Aristotle walking halfway across an open field before unexpectedly disappearing in a fireball. Descartes and Nietzsche looked on appalled. He pulled himself together. ↗

— Jonathan L. Howard

#philosophy #humor

See? That’s it,” he said, waving his hand. “That’s part of what makes us so great, Luce. I’m crazy. You’re crazy. Together, we make our own brand of crazy. ↗

— Nicole Williams

#humorous #humor

The Nevernever," she murmured, almost to herself, "I'm in the Nevernever. I'm in freaking faeryland. ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#kenzie-st-james #nevernever #humor

Leo,” Jason said, “you’re weird.” “Yeah, you tell me that a lot.” Leo grinned. “But if you don’t remember me, that means I can reuse all my old jokes...! ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #young-adult #humor