#humor

She Snores," said Siku, looking at me. "You better get earplugs. That kind of thing runs in the family." I opened my mouth, glancing at Caleb, whose eyes got wide in disbelief. Had Siku made a joke? I was too dumbfounded to reply. ↗

— Nina Berry

#romance #family

I advise you to be suspicious of any black American whose family does not claim a blood connection to Native Americans. That’s a clear sign of a racial infiltrator who has not done enough research. ↗

— Baratunde R. Thurston

#race #family

As Samson demonstrated, going bald ruins lives. ↗

— Brendan Jack

#empire #humor #humour #memoir #quote

I spilled my cup of coffee straight onto my crotch. Superior heat retention has its drawbacks. I grimaced as the scalding liquid reached ground zero, but as I did my best to angle my jeans away from the Resnick family's last hope, my seatmate decided to dispose of her hoodie. I juggled two pressing needs: 1) Protect the nethers. 2) Leer ↗

— B. Justin Shier

#humour #family

Mothers do not have love affairs. Before their children they have dreams, and after their children they have delusions. If the father is involved somewhere, they have fantasies. ↗

— Bauvard

#family #fathers #funny #humor #love-affairs

A family who smokes together, chokes together. ↗

— James Moody

#jazz #truthfull #family

Les, muttering wrathfully, hauled the bedclothes off the recumbent Larry and used them to smother the flames. Larry sat up indignantly. 'What the the hell is going on?' he demanded. 'The room is on fire, dear.' 'Well, I don't see why I should freeze to death... why tear all the bedclothes off? Really, the fuss you all make. It's quite simple to put out a fire.' 'Oh, shut up!' snapped Leslie, jumping up and down on the bedclothes. ↗

— Gerald Durrell

#death

How reassuring." - Queen Elizabeth, when told during a walking tour of Scotland that she looks like the Queen ↗

— Kate Petrella

#family

A family of zombies just moved in next door. Their cooking smells terrible! ↗

— Roger Eschbacher

#family

If Arkansas is, indeed, one big family, Eureka Springs remains its eccentric uncle. ↗

— Rex Nelson

#humor #family