#humor

Magic is the only honest profession. A magician promises to deceive you and he does. ↗

— Karl Germain

#humor #illusionists #illusions #magic #magicians

A pair of dolphins swept by us in the water, flicking their heads out to get a look at us as they went. One of them made a chittering sound that wasn't very melodic. The other twitched its tail and splashed a little water our way, all in good fun. They weren't the attractive Flipper kind of dolphins. They were regular dolphins that aren't as pretty and don't get cast on television. Maybe they just refused to sell out and see a plastic surgeon. I held up a fist to them. Represent. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#flipper #humor #respect #humor

In truth, Freud sees nothing and understands nothing. ↗

— Gilles Deleuze

#humor #philosophy #psycoanalysis #humor

You know, I found a gray hair the other day. I almost broke the sound barrier rushing to the pharmacy to get some dye. Beth snorted. Oh please! You're a blonde-no one can see gray hair up there. Now, you get one down under, and then you can panic. ↗

— Jenn McKinlay

#humor

I'm sorry but I don't need saving. Maybe pour all that energy into a worthy cause, like saving the whales, or the Rainforest. I hear trees are being cut down at an alarming rate. ↗

— Jayde Scott

#humor #jayde-scott #humor

Thanks for not talking with your fists,” I said. I have a little sister, and I’m not sure I’d be as understanding with any of her boyfriends. “I’ve seen you fight,” he said, turning. “It would’ve been a terribly short conversation. ↗

— Lish McBride

#sibling-relationships #humor

—¿Una charla? Sí, claro. Estoy segura de que vuestras lenguas hicieron un gran trabajo, pero, por alguna razón, intuyo que no fue precisamente para hablar -Claire ↗

— Josephine Angelini

#humor

Rock, meet stubborn place. ↗

— Devon Monk

#humor

Then Jix locked eyes with him and said very calmly, "If you hit her, I will open my mouth wide enough to swallow you whole, force you through my bowels, then out my other end." Avalon scowled at him. "You can't do that." "Try me," Jix said. Avalon backed off, then angrily stormed away, and Jix winked at Jill. "One in five. ↗

— Neal Shusterman

#humor

Wow,” says Peter, “when your guidance counselor tells you to die, you really have problems. ↗

— Adam Selzer

#humorous #humorous-quotations #humor