#humor

I want to make something of myself. I believe it’s called a statue. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#art #aspirations #bizarre #funny #goals

Sleeping with a man half your age can be exhausting, but if it's too much for him you can always find a younger man. ↗

— Barbara Taylor Bradford

#older-women #age

Live, die, something else lives. The very soil humanity walks upon is built up from death. Digging into a flowerbed means digging into bones. ↗

— M. Jones

#death #frankie-and-formaldehyde #gallows-humor #life #death

Women, as they grow older, rely more and more on cosmetics. Men, as they grow older, rely more and more on a sense of humor. ↗

— George Jean Nathan

#grow #humor #men #more #more and more

Her mother leaned in. “She calls him ‘Colossus.’Now what do you think that is for?” “I’m sure she’s fine—” “Not if she is with Colossus. She asked me last week if I could get her birth control.” “Okay, okay. What do you want me to do?” “I want you to find that campground and bring your sister home.”.... “Fine.” “You’re going to go now?” “Do I have any choice? It’s either that or let Lucy get impregnated by the Colossus, right? ↗

— Jessica Clare

#humor #home

Oh, yeah. If there's one thing I'm good for, it's comic relief. ↗

— Shannon McKenna

#humor

Books are, let's face it, better than everything else. If we played Cultural Fantasy Boxing League, and made books go fifteen rounds in the ring against the best that any other art form had to offer, then books would win pretty much every time. ↗

— Nick Hornby

#culture #humor #love-of-reading #reading #sports

Life's too short, drive it like ya stole it! ↗

— Debra L. Hartmann

#humor #inspirational-attitude #writer #attitude

No, you just keep polishing your fangs or whatever you guys do in there. ↗

— Jayde Scott

#inspirational

When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living. ↗

— Helen Rowland

#marriage #women #work #humor