#humor

Stand-up comics reflect less of a visual humor and more of a commentary. ↗

— Shel Silverstein

#commentary #humor #less #more #reflect

Sitting alone in the cafeteria would just scream “I’m the new girl. Everyone stare at me while I eat. ↗

— Kristi Cook

#funny-humor #so-true #funny

We both what you dead. I'm bringing the friendship bracelets to the next meeting. ↗

— Nenia Campbell

#humor #insults #sarcasm #friendship

His eyes burned with intensity. I wondered briefly if someone he knew was being held in that cold room that smelled like death. Someone he loved? ↗

— Jaye Wells

#humor #science-fiction #urban-fantasy #death

Governments are nothing more than elaborate Rube Goldberg apparatuses, operating with absurd inefficiency. Why walk ten steps when you can make it there in a hundred?
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— Jarod Kintz

#government #rube-goldberg #funny

The university awarded me my degree, but can something that’s basically worthless be properly called an award?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#college #degree #fraud #funny #humor

As early as 1,000 BC, man had to wait nearly 3,000 years to talk to me.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#history #humor #man #time #funny

Walk Like A Pine Tree Day occurs on Stand Still Day. Orafoura and I observe both—and we observe whatever else we may be standing next to.
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— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #nature #observe #see

I’ll wipe a booger on your living room wall, not only to show I was there, but also to say thanks for having me over.
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— Jarod Kintz

#gratitude #humor #relationships #rude #thanks

A blanket could be used as a bathtub tarp, keeping all the body’s heat in, and the police’s and murder victim’s wife’s eyes out.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny