#humor

Where are you going?” “To get a Coke!” “Would you—” “No! ↗

— Rachel Caine

#humor

I so rarely have the chance to field-test anything. Amelie is so conservative about these things -Myrnin ↗

— Rachel Caine

#humor #myrnin #humor

No. Haven’t you been listening?” Marcus would always remember that moment. It was to be the first time he would ever be faced with that most vexing of female quirks: the question that had nothing but wrong answers. ↗

— Julia Quinn

#humor

Oh, don't cough, Ernest. When one is dictating one should speak fluently and not cough. Besides, I don't know how to spell a cough. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#humor

Goodness had nothing to do with it. ↗

— Mae West

#romance #humor

Oh noes, kitteh haz major angriez!” I said. I turned around to share a laugh with my companions and found them glaring at me. “What?” I asked. Leif shook a finger and said in a low, menacing tone, “If you tell me I have to talk like an illiterate halfwit to fit into this society, I will punch you.” “And I’ll pull out your goatee,” Gunnar added. “Lolcat iz new happeh wai 2 talk,” I explained to them. “U doan haz 2 be kitteh 2 speek it. ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#gunnar #humor #leif #humor

Watching him lumber back toward the apartment building, I got so mad I did something I can't explain. As Gabe reached the doorway, I made the hand gesture I'd seen Grover make on the bus, a sort of warding-off-evil gesture, a clawed hand over my heart, then a shoving movement toward Gabe. The screen door slammed shut so hard it whacked him in the butt and sent him flying up the stair case as if he'd been shot from a cannon. Maybe it was just the wind, or some freak accident with the hinges, but I didn't stay long enough to find out. I got in the Camaro and told my mom to step on it. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor

The only reason there's such a thing as a morning in the first place is to keep night and afternoon from bumping into each other. -Kheldar ↗

— David Eddings

#humor

Gabriel's green eyes sought Will. "It was the pox, wasn't it? You know all about it, don't you? Aren't you some sort of expert? "Well, you needn't act like I invented it, said Will. "Just because I believed it existed. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#will-herondale #humor

See, they say it’s ‘survival of the fittest’, but you and I really know that it’s ‘survival of the most heavily armed ↗

— Lia Habel

#survival #humor