#humor

And I was fairly certain that my strong-enough-for-King-Kong-but-made-for-a-woman deodorant had utterly failed. --Doom with a View ↗

— Victoria Laurie

#humor #psychic-eye #women #humor

Germs contagious, contagious alert! But Edwart and Purell are stronger than dirt! ↗

— The Harvard Lampoon

#nightlight #twilight #humor

But unfriendly is usually one of those things you pick up on right away. You know, like B.O. There's no hiding it if it's there. ↗

— Sarah Dessen

#lock-and-key #nate-cross #sarah-dessen #humor

I was born. It was easy. My mother did all the hard work. ↗

— Katie MacAlister

#humor #macalister #humor

I haven't devoured a soul in...What month is this? March? ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor

She raised an eyebrow. "I thought I sensed something oddly human about you. From the moment I though it was simply residue from your recent and ill-advised horizontal romp with that girl" "What makes you think we were horizontal?" Darrack's lip twitched ↗

— Michelle Rowen

#humor

I gave him my Order smile: sweet grin, hard eyes, reached over to my passenger seat, and pulled out my submachine gun. About twenty-seven inches long, the HK was my favorite toy for close-quarters combat. The rider’s eyes went wide. “This is an HK UMP submachine gun. Renowned for its stopping power and reliability. Cyclic rate of fire: eight hundred rounds per minute. That means I can empty this thirty-round clip into you in less than three seconds. At this range, I’ll cut you in half.” It wasn’t strictly true but it sounded good. “You see what it says on the barrel?” On the barrel, pretty white letters spelled out PARTY STARTER. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#humor #humor

It's difficult to see the glass ceiling because it's made of glass. Virtually invisible. What we need is for more birds to fly above it and shit all over it, so we can see it properly. ↗

— Caitlin Moran

#humor #humor

Satan was crouched in the corner of his office, playing a gameboy, 'Die alien scum' he was saying feverishly.. ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#the-wish-list #humor

Come on, let's get you a drink. How's your love life, anyway? Oh God. Why can't married people understand that this is no longer a polite question to ask? We wouldn't rush up to them and roar, "How's your marriage going? Still have sex? ↗

— Helen Fielding

#humor