#humor

Love has a certain weightlessness to it, much as my meaty penis would on the moon. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love #moon #age

If love were a variety of dog, I’d want mine hot. I’d take my love with ketchup and mustard. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #age

A wife is a friend first, a lover second, and third and probably most important, a maid. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #ridiculous #wife

Don’t just stand there with your Eiffel Tower smile. Tell me you love me, and tell me in French.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #age

My love’s got a lot of love to give. Unfortunately, she gives none of it to me.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#humor #love #age

Rafe hadn't sworn in front of a lady since he was fifteen and said something unacceptable in his mother's hearing. Though he'd been twice her size already, she grabbed him by his hair queue and dragged him to her boudoir, where she proceeded to wash his mouth out with lavendar soap. He had been vilely sick, to this day couldn't bear the scent of lavendar, anhd watched his tongue around females of all ages and social rank. ↗

— Laurie Alice Eakes

#age

And there was this sweet-looking little old lady with her white hair in a bun and everything, the typical grandmother type, and she was swearing her head off. I guess Alzheimer's had brought out her inner sailor. ↗

— Vivian Vande Velde

#humor #age

There were certain things that had to be done, and if done at all, done handsomely and thoroughly; and one of these, in the old New York code, was the tribal rally around a kinswoman about to be eliminated from the tribe. ↗

— Edith Wharton

#social-commentary #society #age

Nat: Maybe you broke something. Midge: I know. Never fall down, never fall down! Nat: Ah, it's nothing. I fall down every morning. I get up, I have a cup of coffee, I fall down. That's the system. Two years old, you stand up and then BOOM! seventy years later, you fall down again. ↗

— Herb Gardner

#aging #humor #philosophy #age

I'm thirty,", i said. "I'm five years too old to lie to myself and call it honour". ↗

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

#humor #age