#humor

Any civilization where the main symbol of religious veneration is a tool of execution is a bad place to have children. ↗

— Charles Stross

#humor #religion #humor

I think therapy is a rather misguided notion of capitalist societies whereby the self-indulgent examination of one's life supersedes the actual living of said life. ↗

— Peter Cameron

#therapy #humor

He does not see as i have that you have given him your heart, but he is male. We will cut him some slack for that handicap, yes? ↗

— Katie MacAlister

#love #humor

I look at life like a big book and sometimes you get half way through it and go 'Even though I've been enjoying it, I've had enough. Give us another book ↗

— Karl Pilkington

#humor

Of all the things God created, from sunrises and rainbows, to black holes and humor, cats are the most fascinating to me.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor

People are here because they've got baggage. I'm talking curbside-check-in, pay-the-fine-'cause-it's-over-fifty-pounds kind of baggage. Get it? ↗

— Lauren Kate

#humor #humor

Today he wore a burnt-orange shirt, black pants, and a tie that looked like a street fight at the south end of the color wheel. ↗

— Kathy Reichs

#humor

Jenny can still suck a golf ball through a garden hose and she guns my cock like a champ since she misplaced her false teeth! ↗

— Tara Sivec

#humor

Love is like the human appendix. You take it for granted while it's there, but when it's suddenly gone you're forced to endure horrible pain that can only be alleviated through drugs. ↗

— Reverend Jen

#drugs #humor #love #simile #humor

Does Hallmark make a “Sorry I tried to drink your blood and touched you in a vaguely inappropriate manner” card? I settled for “How much do you remember? ↗

— Molly Harper

#funny #humor #sarcasm #vampires #funny