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Read through the most famous quotes by topic #humor
Hespe's mouth went firm. She didn't scowl exactly, but it looked like she was getting all the pieces of a scowl together in one place, just in case she needed them in a hurry. ↗
Wait, that’s your idea? That’s your expert advice? You’re going to tell these novelists to just keep going? You’re going to tell these honest, earnest writers: You gotta have faith? Those are George Michael lyrics, asshole. If they wanted that pep talk, they could just hang out inside a mall elevator. ↗
Yeah, the whole family knows. It's no big deal. One night at dinner I said, 'Mom, you know the forbidden love that Spock has for Kirk? Well, me too.' It was easier for her to understand that way. ↗
During a torrential downpour, a faithful churchgoer hears a knock on his door. He opens it to find a policeman. “The river is flooding and we’re evacuating the area,” the policeman tells him. “Come with me.” The man replies, “Thank you, Officer, but I have faith that God will take care of me.” And he shuts the door. A few hours later, with water lapping at his front steps, he hears another knock. This time it’s a rescue worker in a large truck, who tells him, “The water is rising, but I can get you out of here.” The man again politely declines. “I’m a true believer and I trust that God will take care of me.” A few hours later, with water up to the gutters, the man is crouched on his roof. A fellow in a boat pulls up. “Come on! I’ll help you to higher ground,” the boater calls out. Once more, the man refuses, declaring that his faith in God is all of the help he needs. The next morning, the water has risen so that the man has only the top of his chimney on which to stand. A helicopter pilot spots him. Hovering above, he lowers a rope ladder and calls out, “Grab on! I’ll save you!” The man waves the helicopter on. Shivering and alone, the man says loudly, “My faith in God will keep me safe.” Not surprisingly, the man drowns, and he finds himself at the gates of heaven. He’s ushered into God’s presence, but his faith is shaken and he doesn’t speak. Finally, God addresses him: “What troubles you, my son?” The man replies, “Well, I lived a life of true faith. I attended church regularly. I volunteered at the soup kitchen. I contributed to charities. When faced with troubles, I proclaimed that faith rather than complain. I believed that You would take care of Your faithful. So why did you let me drown?” God is silent for a moment. Finally, He grabs the man by the shoulders and shakes him, yelling, “I sent you a policeman, a truck, a boat and a helicopter! What were you waiting for?! ↗
