#humor

We were encouraged to propose safetyprevention suggestions, and write them all down— locking doors, walking or exercising with a friend, wearing shoes that don’t hinder running. Erin’s suggestion of “Avoid assholes” was popular. ↗

— Tammara Webber

#girl-power #humorous #self-defense #humor

Royce nodded. “Invest in crossbows. Next time stay hidden and just put a couple bolts into each of your target’s chests. All this talking is just stupid.” “Royce!” Hadrian admonished. “What? You’re always saying I should be nicer to people. I’m trying to be helpful. ↗

— Michael J. Sullivan

#humor

Still enmeshed from the knees down, Vayl flopped off the cabinet before we realized he needed a hand down, falling fast and hard like a penguin who hasn't bought the whole flightless scenario. ↗

— Jennifer Rardin

#humor

If this keeps up, we’re going to own Melengar,” Hadrian mentioned. “What’s this we stuff?” Royce asked. “You’re retired, remember?” “Oh? So you’ll be leading the Nationalist advance, will you?” “Sixty-forty?” Royce proposed. ↗

— Michael J. Sullivan

#humor

That was horrible. Horrible. That poor little guy." Pex was unrepentant. "Yeah, well, he asked for it. Calling us ... all those things." But---buried alive! That's like in that horror movie. Y'know -- the one with all the horror." I think I saw that one. With all the words going up on the screen at the end?" Yeah, that was it. Tell you the truth, those words kinda ruined it for me. ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#horror-movies #humor #killers #stupidity #humor

V shook his head. “Remember what you saw in that clearing, cop? How’d you like that anywhere near a female you loved?” Butch put down the Bud without drinking from it. His eyes traveled over Rhage’s body. “We’re going to need a shitload of steel,” the human muttered. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#humor #paranormal #rhage #romance #vampire

Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons. ↗

— Douglas MacArthur

#military #humor

Still it might be nice, once in a while, not to have to choose between evils. Just once, couldn't I choose the lesser good? ↗

— Laurell K. Hamilton

#humor #humor

Speak in French when you can’t think of the English for a thing-- turn your toes out when you walk--- And remember who you are! ↗

— Lewis Carroll

#alice-in-wonderland #french #humor #lewis-carroll #remember

I want to read the employment section of the Bible. I think it’s simply called Job. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#employment #hilarious #humor #jarod-kintz #job