#humor

My brother got shot three times two months ago, and he didn’t get the fever.” “I bet your family gets shot at a lot, huh? ↗

— Shelly Laurenston

#humor #lock #family

... I tried to end our little duel. I called out pacifying words; I entreated; I finally surrendered. Still Clyde came, my pirate costume so great a success that it had apparently convinced him that we were back in the golden days of romantic old New Orleans when gentlemen decided matters of hot dog honor at twenty paces ↗

— John Kennedy Toole

#humor

If more Africans had eaten missionaries, the continent would be in better shape ↗

— Maya Angelou

#humor #humor

Advising Mrs. Harris was the least I could do," David said smoothly. "After all, she was the one who brought me and my late wife together." That was stretching it a bit, since all Charlotte had done was give Sarah lessons in how to avoid fortune hunters, thus ensuring that the recalcitrant girl went right out and married the first one who approached her. ↗

— Sabrina Jeffries

#marriage #romance #humor

We'll just have to find more flowers in the spring. That's when they bloom, tra la. ↗

— Maud Hart Lovelace

#humor

Annwyl?” Ragnar repeated, suddenly remembering that Keita had said the same name before they’d burst out of the woods. “This is Annwyl?” Ragnar looked the woman over, from her absurdly large feet to the top of her unkempt head. “This?” This human who had more muscles than seemed necessary for any royal and watched him and his kin with what he could only term as the mad eyes of a diseased animal. ↗

— G.A. Aiken

#humor

Whatever dude, just as long as you're ok with carrying this thing out looking like Disco Barbie, it's cool with us. ↗

— Rachel Higginson

#humor

Can you meet me?" "Sure I can. What else are friends for but swooping in to the rescue when their girlfriends are are being stalked by creepy strangers? ↗

— Frankie Rose

#humor

I warned you; I warned you I was the Senses Taker," sneered the Senses Taker. "I help people find what they're not looking for, hear what they're not listening for, run after what they're not chasing, and smell what isn't even there. And, furthermore," he cackled, hopping around gleefully on his stubby legs, "I'll steal your sense of purpose, take your sense of duty, destroy your sense of proportion — and, but for one thing, you'd be helpless yet." "What's that?" asked Milo fearfully. "As long as you have the sound of laughter," he groaned unhappily, "I cannot take your sense of humor — and, with it, you've nothing to fear from me. ↗

— Norton Juster

#sense-of-humor #sense-of-purpose #senses #humor

Gerti didn’t ask for help.” Miri swallowed and tried to calm her quavering voice. “It was my fault.” “So it was. Now you all have learned that those who speak out of turn choose punishment for themselves and anyone they speak to.” “So if I speak to you, Tutor Olana, will you get the lashes? ↗

— Shannon Hale

#fantasy #humor #romance #humor