#humor

Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #funny

This is the silliest thing I've heard since the cat yoga craze a couple of years ago. I went right out and bought a cat yoga instruction book and tiny terry-cloth headband and renamed my girl cat 'Olive Neutered John,' which she didn't think was funny. Cats have no sense of humor. ↗

— Celia Rivenbark

#pets #funny

EAT SANDWICH, NOT OWN MOUTH. ↗

— Lauren Conrad

#humor #funny

Theists count themselves among the aforementioned. They affirm they will be saved a lot of confusion. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#god #humor #funny

A brick can be used to represent the zero probability of this book being any good. ↗

— Amy Summers

#brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny #humor

And then she walked out of my life forever. Too bad she was hitchhiking. I should have picked her up. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#hitchhiking #humor #funny

I fish better than any fish alive. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #funny

A blanket is great for covering things, like the dead guy, I just killed with this brick. ↗

— Nicole McKay

#brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny #humor

A brick could used as a dagger, much like a blanket could be used to cool off after a heated argument. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

He says black, I say white and we do grey ↗

— Lazaro Hernandez

#humor #sexuality #funny