#humor

As far as informing the headmaster, Harry had no idea where Dumbledore went during the summer holidays. He amused himself for a moment, picturing Dumbledore, with his long silver beard, full-length wizard's robes, and pointed hat, stretched out on a beach somewhere, rubbing suntan lotion onto his long crooked nose. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#harry-potter #humor #humor

Menurut survei: selain narik becak dan gali kubur, pekerjaan mengkhayal dan menulis ternyata juga butuh asupan kalori tinggi. (Perahu Kertas) ↗

— Dee

#inspirational #humor

Did you read the part that says, 'Your hair is like a flock of goats'? How romantic is that? Or that other line, 'Your neck is like the tower of David.' Oh, now, that sounds real attractive! If some guy tried those lines on me, I'm sure I'd fall instantly in love with him. ↗

— Robin Jones Gunn

#christy-miller #humor #katie #pick-up-lines #humor

Aye, well, he'll be wed a long time," he said callously. "Do him no harm to keep his breeches on for one night. And they do say that abstinence makes the heart grow firmer, no?" "Absence," I said, dodging the spoon for a moment. "AND fonder. If anything's growing firmer from abstinence, it wouldn't be his heart. ↗

— Diana Gabaldon

#humor #jamie-fraser #humor

I have peanut M&M's up there." "Not my style" "Raisinets." "Feh." "Sam Adams." Thor narrowed his eyes. "Cold?" "Downright icy." Thor crossed his arms over his chest and told him self he was not pouting like a five-year-old. "I want Milk Duds. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#lassiter #thor #humor

If you're like most members of the Baby Boom generation, you decided somewhere along the line, probably after about four margaritas, to have children. This was inevitable. Mother Nature, in her infinite wisdom, has instilled within each of us a powerful biological instinct to reproduce; this is her way of assuring that the human race, come what may, will never have any disposable income. ↗

— Dave Barry

#humor #parenting #humor

I'll never forget my first time with you' Min said as she edged the doughnut off her finger. 'The earth moved, and then my mother asked my father who he was going down on at lunch. ↗

— Jennifer Crusie

#sex #humor

Unless... " Now he looked at her in surprise. "Unless what?" She jabbed a finger at his shoulder. "When did you get that?" Jace looked down and saw that the spider demon's poison had eaten a hole in his shirt, leaving a good deal of his left shoulder bare. "The shirt? At Macy's Winter sale. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #inquisitor #jace #humor

When they ran up to him, Percy said, 'Hey,' like they were just meeting for lunch or something. 'You're alive!' Frank marveled. Percy frowned. 'The fall? That was nothing. I fell twice that far from the St. Louis Arch.' 'You did what?' Hazel asked. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#hazel #humor #percy #humor

I'm now going to call another human being. Well, let's hope it's a human being. I would be really amused if it was, like, a cat. But I don't know if the conversation would be as stimulating. ↗

— Darren Criss

#humor