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#humor

Read through the most famous quotes by topic #humor




Sit up, and no whining." "I don't whine." "Rarely," he agreed. But when you do, you make up for the lack of quantity with quality. ↗


— J.D. Robb


#death

I knew I didn't have much of a chance of getting away from that swarm of fae piranha, but it was an infinitely larger chance than I would have if I stayed in the car and burned to death. Hell's bells, what I wouldn't give to have my shield bracelet. Or my old staff. I didn't even have an umbrella. ↗


— Jim Butcher


#weapons #death

- Senhor Uhtred! - O padre Willibald veio correndo na minha direção. - O que está acontecendo? O que está acontecendo? - Decidi começar uma guerra, padre - respondi cheio de animação. - É muito mais interessante que a paz. ↗


— Bernard Cornwell


#humor #death

A brick is what the aliens gave me to communicate with them. It’s easy to operate. Just go to a party, or any crowded location, place the brick on your head, and stand perfectly still until they open up lines of communication. If you talk to Egbok Wangor, tell him I want the twenty bucks he owes me—and I’ll even give you a twenty percent collector’s fee.
 ↗


— Jarod Kintz


#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

You're still carrying Africa, but it's eroding at the edges. Great. We're destroying the Dark Continent. ↗


— J.D. Robb


#roarke #roarke-humor #death

I hold the biscuits in front of his face and he stands up. "What do I have to do?" he says. "Nothing," I say. "They're for you." "Are they poisoned?" he says. "No," I say. "Eat one," he says. So I do. "Probably the others are poisoned," he says. "Eat a fraction of each." I eat a corner off each biscuit. He looks at the reminders suspiciously, then sniffs them. "I'm not sure it's worth it," he says. "How I wish you'd never come. Perhaps you've left the poison off of just those corners." I begin to realize I'll doubt whatever information he gives me. "Lick the entire biscuit," he says. "Then give them to me." So I lick each biscuit. "Both sides," he says. I lick both sides of each biscuit. I give him the wet biscuits and he cracks them open and sniffs them. Then he puts them in his pocket. "What do you want?" he says. "Now that you've failed to poison me to death. ↗


— George Saunders


#doubt #humor #paranoia #poisoning #death

A dark-chocolate truffle melts in my mouth, and I forget about everything else ... even the fact that I'm on a diet. ↗


— Barbara Brooke


#diet #humor #diet

Some people just need to die," she says. "Which people," I ask. "You know, the stupid ones." "Then I'll get someone to prepare your casket. ↗


— Rita Carnovale


#humor #stupidity #death

He committed the crime of stupidity while under my command," said Citizen. "Oh my," said Rigg. "They're handing out the death penalty for that these days? ↗


— Orson Scott Card


#military #death

It's not necrophilia if she still has a pulse... ↗


— Scott Jonathan Nixon


#death






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