#humor

I never go to weddings. Waste of time. Person can get married a dozen times. Lots of folks do. Family like ours, know everybody in the state of Texas and around outside, why, you could spend your life going to weddings. But a funeral, that's different. You only die once. ↗

— Edna Ferber

#family

When an American family becomes separated from its toothbrushes and combs and pajamas for a few hours it considers that it has had quite an adventure. ↗

— E.B. White

#americans #family #humor #life-and-living #family

What's the big deal with France? How come everyone wants to go there? Let me tell you about France. Their music sucks. Their movies suck. Their berets suck. Their croissants are pretty good, but the place overall still sucks.My family went there once on the way to visit Dad's homeland family. EuroDisney. Need I say more? ↗

— David Levithan

#humor #places #family

Temporary Insanity had come a-knocking and I had shouted "Come on in the door is open." Luckily, Reality had come unexpectedly and found Temporary Insanity roaming the corridors of my mind unchecked, going into rooms, opening cupboards, reading my letters, looking in my underwear drawer, that kind of thing. Reality had run and got Sanity. And after a tussle, they both had managed to throw out Temporary Insanity and slam the door in his face. Temporary Insanity now lay on the gravel in the driveway of my mind, panting and furious, shouting, "She invited me in, you know. She asked me in. She wanted me there. ↗

— Marian Keyes

#sanity #family

A bright haze seemed to lie over everything, and she had a feeling of unreality, but the scene itself looked almost unbelievably wholesome, like something out of a commercial. Just your average family sitting down to eat turkey, she thought. One slightly flustered aunt, worried that the peas will be mushy and the rolls burnt, one comfortable uncle-to-be, one golden-haired teenage niece and her baby sister. One blue-eyed boy-next-door type, one spritely girlfriend, one gorgeous vampire passing the vegetables. A typical American household. ↗

— L.J. Smith

#family

...as you know, I don't believe in fear, just an invention by men so they get all the money and good jobs... ↗

— Marian Keyes

#gender #humor #keyes #family

Dishwashers are an affront to good hygiene. Families today have no concept of the value of washing mouths out by hand. ↗

— Bauvard

#family #funny #humor #hygiene #family

Saint Bo, a man christened with the miraculous ability to gentle horses, nervous women, and one year olds. ↗

— Becky Wade

#christian-romance #cowboy #humor #undeniably-yours #family

There was some kind of commotion going on in the suite, which shouldn't have been a surprise considering it was his family's suite. The air was filled with cursing, exclamations, and grunts of physical combat. "Leo?" Beatrix appeared from the main receiving room and hurried over to them. "Beatrix, darling!" Leo was amazed by the difference the past two and a half years had made in his youngest sister. "How you've grown--" "Yes, never mind that," she said impatiently, snatching the ferret from him. "Go in there and help Mr. Rohan!" "Help him with what?" "He's trying to stop Merripen from killing Dr. Harrow." "Already?" Leo asked blankly, and rushed into the receiving room. ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#humor #family

Women were created gullible. It they weren't no babies would be born. ↗

— Dakota Dawn

#funny #humor #truth #wisdom #family